Saturday, June 6, 2009

Les Soldes


Dear Maizy

We have been sold out again this year. The people whom Agnes B designs for (presumably young people who look like the models she is fond of using) can scarcely afford her creations. To add insult, the store has offered a 10% discount for any item purchased during their on-going sale. I now have an entirely different opinion of her since she re-branded Dr Martens' (cherry) boots for want of a new way to fleece us.

Either she has hit some sort of creative block or she enjoys hiding behind that price tag of hers so she has an excuse for not selling anything. I have reason to suspect that she may have in fact taken the year off in the Bahamas, leaving her interns at the helm in Paris.

Were we really too naive to have worshiped her so much in the past, spending hours on end flipping through her freebie catalogs and posters? I have used up all of the pencils you snatched from their countertop, but still have all of the promotional condoms in my drawer.

Tastefully yours

Andy

Terror For Sale


Dear Maizy

I had a close call yesterday whilst shopping for biscuits and tea at M&S. Had been feeling poorly for the past week or so, and decided to perk things up a little by doing away with the usual digestives / darjeeling diet. As I was walking towards the cashier, I saw, to my astonishment, a sticker proclaiming the body temperature of a visitor to Alexandra Hospital affixed to a pair of jeans hanging on the racks. I am afraid that no one is safe from terrorism, not even the very mild-mannered crowd at M&S. Amidst growing concern regarding the spread of the swine flu epidermic, this act comes accross as a serious threat to public safety. There may very well be a new army of extremists living on infected farms just to raise their body temperatures, before they are sent by their ruthless leaders to shop at popular stores all over town.

We are doomed, for surely we cannot expect M&S to deliver tea to our doorsteps. This time I am afraid the terrorists have finally succeeded in creating a credible and effective warning to strike fear into our hearts.

Yours till the bitter end

Andy